Randomness Part Trois

Let's see where to begin.

1. Today, at work, I upgraded from Outlook Express to Outlook. I can't say I'm happy. There are so many little things with Outlook that bug me. The two biggest issues being the address book (Contacts) aren't working properly and I can't figure it out, nor can any of the so-called 'experts' I know. The other is you can't highlight an e-mail in a certain colour using "rules".

2. I cooked dinner. It was very sub-par. This is why I never try anything new. Sweet Corn Cakes sounded good, in theory. In practice, not so good. I ate it all anyway just to spite myself.

3. I got a haircut on the way home from work. Yay.

4. I installed Google Analytics on my site, so we'll see tomorrow how it works (or if it works depending how my installation skills were).

5. The term "emo" has been getting lots of hits on my blog all of a sudden, but mostly it's still the damned Led Zeppelin and Crazy Frog posts that bring visitors here. On the plus side, my hit count is over 95,000 now -- that's a lot of views. On the minus side, most of them look at one or two posts and leave. And worse, none of them click my advertising. I have yet to see a check from Google Adsense. It's okay, though, 'cause I like Google anyway.

6. One of my Chinese vendors sent me the most cool and useful gifts. I don't normally get gifts from my vendors, but happily this was a special occasion I suppose. I got a book in "Practical Chinese Conversations: 100 Putonghua Situations" which comes with CDs and everything. I had mentioned that I was going to try and learn some Chinese phrases, and now I can. The only disadvantage is the don't explain their pronunciation guide, so you've got to listen to the CDs. I can pronounce xièxie, but can't even fathom how to say wènhòu.

7. I told off one of my vendors (Friday) and have yet to hear back. Usually you want to keep a customer, but I guess they don't.

8. I recently added some chick to my MySpace page 'cause she asked, but she's got lots of bulletins, so I'm not sure how much longer I'll keep her around. I hate people who burn through bulletins.

9. I have one ticket (for anyone who wants to go and sit with me) to the 12-23, 27, and 29 Panther Games. And also the 12-25 Evening Dolphins vs Jets game. E-mail me if interested. No charge. Being my date is punishment enough :)

10. My feet are cold. Actually I've been cold all day and coughing a bunch. I wonder if my cold is coming back.

11. Hello to Erin who is recovering from her hoof knee work. Here's to hoping she feels better.

12. I have discovered I prefer cheaper toilet paper to Charmin. I could tell you why but it's a bit gross.

Baiji Dolphin Extinct Thanks to Chinese Government

A sad story, a species of Dolphin was declared extinct today. The AP reports that China's rapid and unchecked growth coupled with the consequential destruction of the Yangtze river has resulted in the population of the Baiji Dolphin vanishing, making it functionally extinct. This is the first mammal to be declared extinct in over 40 years.

The Chinese called this mammal the "Goddess of the Yangtze" yet they did little to protect it, and their rampant expansion has polluted the river, destroyed the food chain, and killed the last 400 living creatures since the 1980s. The last sighting was in 2004. It's sad to see a species wiped off the planet after surviving for nearly 20 million years. It does not speak well of our fellow humans.

You can go to baiji.org to read more about this. As their website says "The baiji is Functionally extinct. Lipotes vexilifier is the first species of cetacean – whales, dolphins, and porpoises – to disappear from our globe in modern times…the first large mammal to go extinct as a result of man’s destruction of their natural habitat and resources."

Today's Weather in Guangzhou is Brown with scattered muggings

In a previous blog entry on 10-12 about Guangzhou (aka Canton) "This is Greg's big meeting and it's a disaster. His vendor and the agent are lying through their teeth. Their stories change, their body language says anxiety, and they don't come clean. I pass Greg several notes warning him it's bad news on most counts but he's aware of it, just not how bad .... Glad it wasn't my meeting." Anyway that's just so you remember the post.

As you all know I despised Guangzhou because quite honestly, I don't like a city with smoke-stacks the bellow Mountain-Dew coloured smoke, nor do I like a city where "brown" is a valid description of the weather. Here's the rest of the story. Greg relayed the balance of this story to me today. When we left the meeting, one of Greg's associates, who shall remain anonymous, didn't particularly hate it and stayed behind for a few more days before directly returning to the USA. Turns out on his last day, he was being driven around in the corporate Mercedes, as is the custom in China, and they were pulled over by a guy in a motorcycle -- not sure how that works but I'm just relaying this -- and the guy promptly robbed the driver and the passenger before leaving.

Needless to say he's no longer a fan of Guangzhou. Carjackings, muggings, and robberies, Oh My!

Hong Kong & USA Sunday (End of Trip)

Sunday morning and I'm up with my 6am wake-up call (6pm Saturday back in the States) in Hong Kong after a very short sleep. Nice wake up call -- a real person who asks if you want a ring back in 15 minutes to be sure you're awake. I like that.

Yesterday's breakfast was so smashing, I am up at 6am just so I can do a repeat. It started well with an awesome breakfast which was, this being Hong Kong, insanely overpriced. This time it was English style scrambled Eggs, Ham, and Toast with coffee for around US$40.

I take one last look out the window of my room as I pack my last few bits, and sigh. As much as I am thrilled to be leaving the Orient and as much as I am not a fan of mainland China, my departure from Hong Kong leaves me very sad.

The Airport Express MTR line is as easy as we remember it, and surprisingly packed for a 745am Sunday departure. Everything at the airport runs smoothly and the lines are relatively short and move quick owing to the large number of employees. Hong Kong's airport is one of the most beautiful in the world, it's very efficient, and has plenty to do.

We're returning on Continental. They had their Peter Max designed 777 -- and as much as I like Peter Max this wasn't what one would call an 'attractive' aircraft by any standard. Normally to Europe I fly Delta which as "business first" -- and it's fine. Continental has a product by the same name but the seats are much closer together which greatly diminishes the experience. It was one of the most uncomfortable flights in recent memory mostly due to the seat. I am sore everywhere and I think I left my ass-print for all eternity in seat 8E. The service and food were fine and the staff were great. I am not knocking anything but the seat which is simply not acceptable for a flight of that duration. And we had a tailwind that put us in nearly one hour early.

So we get to Newark about 50 minutes early, breeze through immigration (not one person in line and eight stations open). Our bags take a bit, but to be fair our plane comes in way at the end and there's a lot of baggage. Customs is a breeze taking under 5 minutes. We encounter a long line at baggage re-check but it's moving and we're through in 15 minutes. We take the train from "B" to "C" instead of walking because we aren't sure how far it is. That will prove to be a saving grace.

We get to "C" and have to go through security. We can't even find the end of the line but people are complaining they've been in it for over 1 hour and they aren't even near the front. That's a problem as my plane boards in an hour. People are really unhappy. We finally make our way to another checkpoint which also has a horrible line, but it's moving due to apparently more organized people. We get through in 40 minutes. Only then do we find an "elite access" line with less than 50 people in it. Oh well -- so much for the lounge before my flight.

My flight departs without incident and arrives without incident. My luggage arrives in 20 minutes which for Miami is lightning fast. I get to my car only to find someone's run into it. Back tail light and fender are dinged. I am really pissed. I load up my stuff and go to get in, and wonder of wonders, there's a note in my door with a phone number for the person who hit it. I'm still not happy but will call in the morning.

I am home 27 hours from the moment I left the hotel in Hong Kong.

Hong Kong Saturday

It's another Saturday night and here I am in Hong Kong after a very long day. It started well with an awesome breakfast which was, this being Hong Kong, insanely overpriced. English style Eggs, Bacon, and Toast with coffee for around US$40.

Our first meeting was pretty much pointless for me but it was Greg's big meeting and I attended for the hell of it. After that the Maks came and took us to the Central Escalators a wonder of the modern world which is rather hard to describe.

We did a bit of shopping, sightseeing, and such before running back for a meeting we were highly anticipating. Sadly it was a no-show and we weren't happy. That left time for a bit more shopping though Greg was the big spender this trip and I didn't really buy much. We ate dinner at the Union Café which was pretty good and relatively cheap with dinner for two with dessert coming in at around HK$605. In Hong Kong that's a bargain.

I went to a local grocery store for fun and bought a Lime flavoured chocolate bar. It sounds rather interesting.

We walked around the mall a bit more and now I'm in the room to pack and go to bed before the long, gruelling flight home. We plan to take the airport express MTR line to the airport. Yay.

Macao/Hong Kong -- Friday

I am now at the Four Seasons Hong Kong. Friday was packed -- it's about 650am Saturday as I finish this post. Woke up early, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my hair* -- met the Maks for breakfast. A real buffet at any rate with lots of meat and stuff. Tasty stuff. Went to the Casino before breakfast to change my remaining RMB to HK$ -- apparently one of the notes was no good. That was a very unpleasant scene. I ended up getting a receipt and will pick a fight with my bank upon return -- I do not intend to be out RMB100 because of this. Anyway, I also got a Wynn Macao casino card just because I thought it would be cool to do. I used it a bit but for the trip I'm out a few hundred bucks -- nothing serious. We got the grand tour of Macao which is still very Portuguese much like Hong Kong is still English but we enjoyed it thoroughly. Lots of pictures of course.

We took the hydrofoil from Macao to Hong Kong around 1230 and it was a cool experience and was $142 Macao Dollars per person (a Macao Dollar is worth about 5% less than an HK$) -- customs was again slow and ponderous but we were in the hotel at 1410 and had a 1500 meeting. I unpacked and showered only to find no more clean shirts except the one long sleeved one. Not good. Ran to the nearby mall, got sweaty in the process, found only one store with a short sleeved shirt (Burberry) and spent HK$850 as not to die of heat stroke. Ran back, changed, and was ready at 310pm then we got lost on the way to the meeting and finally got there at 1540 but they were very impressed we walked. Meeting went until nearly 1810 and then we went back to hotel and dropped off our stuff, and then hopped the MTR (subway) to Jordan where the Temple Night Market is. Spent a bit of money on crappy stuff for fun. Took the MTR back noticing it's got AC! Ate in the hotel lounge and discovered a new drink called a Lime Blush and had 4 at HK$80 each. I am such a pig.

I went to a Boots and Pret-A-Manger today -- just like being in England. Didn't buy, just looked. And I got a Mars bar at 7-11 -- the UK kind and not the US kind. If you're familiar with the Mars and Milky Way chocolate bars their names are swapped in the US as opposed to the rest of the world. Not sure why. But at any rate the UK variety uses proper chocolate and not that crap they pass off in the US.

The final word on this hotel: our rooms have the most spectacular view of one of the most amazing cities on the planet. I would pay triple the rate to stay here again for this view. Even my pictures will not do this justice.

On my way to breakfast, I think I'll drop off one last round of laundry. As if you care.





* if you don't get this I am disappointed

China/Macao -- through Thurs PM

Here I am at the Wynn Macao where the internet isn't censored. I can send e-mail, visit websites and be normal (as normal as I can be anyway). When we last left our intrepid traveller I had arrived at our hotel in Ningbo where my computer was under constant attack.

The next day we had a 9am meeting which was, quite honestly, a waste. Later we decided to walk around Ningbo a bit, and besides the usual ladies throwing themselves at us for the obligatory massage, there was little else of note. Everyone was staring at us because Westerners are clearly not a common sight there. Nobody was overtly hostile but it was very uncomfortable in one sense. We when to a quick-mart and I bought some chocolates and a pack of throat lozenges that I would later find out expired over a year ago. Well, they worked so what difference.

For RMB 600 we were able to extend our checkout until 4pm -- the best money we ever spent. We had another brief meeting which went better. After that, we didn't do much until we checked out at 4pm. They tried to bill me for my mini-bar tab twice but that wasn't particularly troublesome I thought. I'm sorry I complained after all at a paltry RMB 41 it wasn't worth the headache -- then the manager came over and said a laundry bag was missing but I tried to explain I gave them two laundry bags and that went nowhere. A good example of why sometimes you just pay and shut up.

We arrived at the Ningbo airport, and like most places in China there was no A/C and the of the lights were off because you could still see a little bit. All five flights at the airport were delayed and we would later learn the Chinese air traffic control system was out that day and they were running manually. Anyway, we're told check-in is at 5pm so we wait and kill time. Finally we check in and go to the gate where we find there is an unspecified delay. Naturally they just announce there's a delay without any details as to why or how long. I am not picking on the Chinese -- the US Airports aren't any better and at least they apologized for the inconvenience.

Finally we board. There is no first class cabin which is why Karen couldn't find seats. If you've ever been on a plane in coach, you know there is one row for each set of windows. China Southern's intrastate flights have three rows for every two windows. I had trouble even getting in the row to get to my seat. It was the most uncomfortable 2.5 hour flight I have ever taken. Of course there was a full meal service, which I declined.

We arrived in Guangzhou (aka Canton) and what a hard landing. Apparently it was our pilots first time behind the yoke of a plane. My cat could have landed the plane better. We were wondering where the terminal was. Why? It was night and we couldn't see the well-lit terminal through the smog. When they opened the plane door the stench was unbelievable. Years ago if you ever went to Jacksonville and smelled the paper mills, it was reminiscent of that only 100 times worse. My ability to describe this cancerous malaise is beyond belief. That old expression "air so thick you could cut it with a knife" is quite appropriate if the knife is sharp enough -- makes the air in Shanghai seem pristine. Disgusting.

We drive to the hotel with our host who actually picked us up and he took us to the hotel. We had booked a hotel but he insisted we cancel and stay at this hotel. I believe I may have mentioned that before. So we get there except apparently he didn't really book the room and didn't believe us when we said our travel agent said the hotel was full. We had no rooms. Being Chinese he had to save face so he did they only thing he could do, which was to rent us a villa. Greg and I didn't realize that when he said we had to share a room and we gave each other the "whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis" look. Turns out we had a four bedroom house for the night which was nearly RMB10000 a night -- and we let him pay, something we're normally loathe to do.

Now, since earlier Wednesday I had been, let me put this delicately, suffering severe intestinal distress. I was told that we had to go to dinner -- and they brought me what was supposedly a "burger" but it had the consistency of mashed potatoes, the colour of pinkish-white, and the taste of a pepper-cream béarnaise sauce (if such a thing exists). Two bites and I almost heaved. The worst burger of all time and almost as bad as the Sea Cucumber from my last trip to China.

Off to bed. I decided to use the shower (after testing the toilet several more times). I was going to wash my hair but after seeing the colour (and smelling) the water, I take a record-speed shower. You think a villa at a "five star" resort would be nice and it was. You think it would be clean and but it wasn't. I look at my socks and the bottoms were black. Icky. And the bed was the hardest bed -- beating out even the Tayhih Landis -- I've ever been on. I sleep until 6am anyway.

Thursday I am up and decide to go for a walk. It's humid and the weather is brown. Yes, you read correctly. The weather is brown. Later that day it would be yellow-brown. I eat breakfast at the main room and return to the hotel. Our ride is a bit late but we're out the door at 10.

This is Greg's big meeting and it's a disaster. His vendor and the agent are lying through their teeth. Their stories change, their body language says anxiety, and they don't come clean. I pass Greg several notes warning him it's bad news on most counts but he's aware of it, just not how bad. We're talking the body language of: wring hands, massaging thumb into the forefinger web, looking downward, furrowed brows, avoiding eye contact. The guy's a bad lair and is very uncomfortable because he realizes we aren't gullible plus about 1/2 hour into the meeting our guy from Hong Kong walks in so he can't even talk in Chinese to his partner without us being privy. Glad it wasn't my meeting. They send us back to the hotel in the car and invite us to lunch to appease us but we decline and meet our hosts from Hong Kong for our ride to another factory way to the south. Parts of the ride are nice, but I am confident that a factory billowing mustard yellow smoke is a really bad thing.

This factory visit goes swimmingly well. Yay. Then we're off to Macao (Macau to some). We go through the exit process. Leaving China proves to be a chore -- there is almost no English instruction so our host proves helpful -- and the immigration officer is yelling at Greg about something but we don't understand. We begin to worry we won't be allowed out and someone else comes over and finally lets us through. Then we walk about 50 metres to the entrance to Macao, China, SAR but that runs much more smoothly since though there's not much English I can muddle through the written Portuguese instructions. We're in Macau and take two taxis since we all can't fit in one to the Wynn Macau. It's just like Vegas only smaller.

The casino is way different though. Blackjack allows you to bet not only on your hand, but on anyone else's hand on the table -- there are hash marks below each hand for this purpose. And even people standing and watching can bet on your hands. It's very odd. You can also bet a "pair" bet at 11-1 which means if the person gets a pair, you get paid 11-1 -- and you can bet on any or all players whether or not you're actually playing. Also you play your hand out and then the dealer plays his/her hand and draws the second card. Weird. And now you're up to date through Thursday night.

China -- through Wed AM

Let's see. All about China from my hotel room at the NanYuan Hotel in Ningbo, China about 40 minutes south of Shanghai by air. It's 805am Wednesday here so it's 805pm Tuesday there.

The flight from MIA to ORD was uneventful. Everything was on-time -- something unusual for any flight I am on. The flight from ORD to PVG (Shanghai's Pudong Airport) was also uneventful although unspeakably long. It's just too damned far too travel. Way too far. Although this flight was shorter than the LAX to China route we took last year, I think I prefer the LAX route. Why? Well the ORD route gets you in around 2pm instead of 7pm so you can't really go right to bed and your body clock is even worse than normal on such a long flight.

At any rate, there isn't much to report about the in-flight service. The food was okay, the seats were okay, the films left a bit to be desired but that's my personal tastes and is no reflection on American Airlines (who I normally don't like).

We arrive in PVG about 1 hour late due to a strong headwind that made the flight a bit bumpy. I don't sleep much either. We land and are among the first off the plane which is great. We breeze through Health Control -- and they're even friendly! There's none of the white coated medics patrolling the line, we get to passport control (immigration) and even tough they're friendly it's slow. Really slow. Obscenely slow. Nearly 90 minutes in line for us and by the time we were done I'd imagine the people behind us had to wait 3+ hours. Entering a communist country is no piece of cake, let me assure you. They want to study everything. My officer was friendly and even almost smiled :)

Our bags were already at the claim and in a pile on the floor because it took so long. The problem was that we were so busy watching the carousel we didn't realize our bags were already there. That killed a half-hour for no reason at all. We finally figured it out. Customs was a breeze really -- perhaps 60 seconds. Our ride wasn't there -- Karen had warned us the hotel hadn't confirmed our reservation. We found someone from the hotel who arranged a car for us (another 30 minutes) after some language issues. The car ride to the hotel from PVG took nearly 90 minutes due to the Shanghai's traffic. China is reporting the population of Shanghai at nearly 20 million people now (a big increase since my last trip a year ago) with nearly 10,000 cars per day being added to the road -- most in front of us. [This was in the China Daily I read -- they must have anticipated this blog post.]

We finally arrive at the hotel. It's very nice and overly obsequious service which most people (but not Greg and me) like. You can't even press an elevator button without someone running to do it for you. Check in was a breeze (Le Royal Meridian Hotel) and the hotel is only two weeks old with some very cool rooms. I have pictures which I will post on my Flikr Blog when I return. Nice views, etc. I must report that the food at the hotel was VERY sub-par and Greg agrees with me on that. The JW Marriott Shanghai has much better food. I fight to sleep that night with little success.

The next morning (Monday) we hire a car to take us to our first visit and that was RMB2400 -- wow! The exchange rate is about 8 to 1 so divide by 7.78 to convert to dollars. Interesting ride but idiot me left the camera in the boot so no pictures there. We're warmly greeted by our host after we navigate the private security force at the main gate. Boy are they a huge company -- nearly one MILLION square foot facilities. Like all Chinese companies, everything is hot because due to electricity shortages nobody is running the AC because they'd rather have it for their operating machinery. I will skip the factory visit details because you don't care. We take the car back to the hotel and are barely in time for our next meeting.

There is a nice table and chair that look inviting so Greg and I decide to sit there and wait for our host to arrive. Well I'm talking to Greg and don't notice the chair is on an island and has a small shallow lake around it with very very very very very still water about 1/2" deep. Of course I stand in it to the amusement of everyone. This proves the Chinese CAN laugh at you despite their culture. The next meeting was only a few miles away but still a 45 minute car ride. I will spare you those details. We go back to the hotel, eat, and decide to take a walk down Nanjing Road. After being accosted by pimps and prostitutes so many times in the first three blocks, we give up and go back to the hotel because we're so not enjoying it.

What follows Monday night may be one of the worse nights of sleep I ever had when I wasn't sick. It was horrible. Although in bed around 1030pm, I don't fall asleep until after 2am and by 315am I am up for good.

I should mention I am unable to send email properly and this has been a problem the entire trip. Bellsouth doesn't allow email relays from Chinese ISPs. My work ISP is having trouble too but I file a tech support ticket and they find a way for me to use Webmail. Even AOL's webmail is mostly accessible: webmail01-03 don't work but I did manage to find out webmail04 is not blocked in China right now so that's how I've been sending e-mail. Also try to view a GoogleVideo Dave sent me but that's blocked in China and clearly says so. My laptop has Norton Firewall installed and I am constantly getting intrusion alert warnings. Scary stuff. BBC News website is totally censored and not accessible. Google's 'view cached' is off. Even the TV news is censored by moments of silence in certain stories, especially those involving Chinese news.

We take a taxi Tues AM to the airport (the local Honqguiao airport and not Pudong) and are very apprehensive about it, but it turns out to be a breeze and even some limited English signs. Boy, are these local flights crammed. I am unable to fully sit in my chair it's so small, narrow, and close to the one in front of me. I use my mobile and try and get Karen to change the flight Wed to business class but it's full because of the Chinese holidays. Ah well, we arrive in Ningbo's beautiful new airport and it's uneventful. Except our ride isn't there. I am unable to get my mobile to connect to anyone -- ultimately learning you need an extra '0' to dial a Chinese mobile.

A nice Chinese lady uses my mobile to call the factory and find out where our ride is. The guy said I didn't answer his email (not true because I even have his reply) but if we take a Taxi to Yuyao he will pay. RMB300 out of my pocket as he doesn't even greet us at the gate. The meeting is not auspicious and we leave for the hotel not long after knowing we won't do business with these people. Our second appointment is on-time and goes much better. We return to hotel, have an Italian (yay) dinner, go for a walk and buy chocolate (double Yay!) and reutrn to the hotel where I sleep from 9pm through 6am -- a long time for me.

It's Wed AM and I decide to type this blog entry despite the repeated attempts (according to Norton) to hijack this computer. I also am curious at the fact that Blogger is giving me fits and won't allow me to post. Not sure if it's real or temporary block. In a few moments I have an appointment so I'll finish here.

The Big Puta (my trip to the Far East)

Hello:
(Last revised and updated 11-12-05)

Well, I'm back and here's the trip report for Taiwan, Hong Kong, and China brought to you by our sponsor: that nasty bitch Hurricane Wilma.

I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone how much I didn't want to go on this trip -- anyone who knows me heard me bitching about it relentlessly. It was definitely a bad omened trip from the get-go. My expectations for this trip were lower than Dubya's approval ratings. However despite my many complaints, this trip was an experience I will never forget, so in a sense I am glad I went.

The trip to Los Angeles from Miami was uneventful and on-time, which is all you can hope for from a trip. My luggage was checked straight through to Taipei so I didn't even have to deal with that. On future trips, I've learned that I will take much smaller luggage and use the overpriced hotel dry-cleaning service. The big luggage plan was a disaster at the very best -- keeping in mind that our suitcases were bigger than many of the cars we travelled in. Live and learn.

Upon arrival in LAX, I hung around for two hours awaiting Greg's arrival from Fort Lauderdale. We then walked from Terminal Four to Tom Bradley International Terminal and checked in for Air China of Taiwan. The trip from LAX to Taipei was scheduled at about 14 hours and it, too, was on-time (within 30 minutes qualifies as on-time in my book). At least we got to relax in the China Air business class lounge prior to departure. It was small and cramped, but it beats hanging around a terminal.

Let me tell you, a 14 hour flight seems a lot longer than it sounds, plus coupled with the 6 hour MIA-LAX trip and a four hour layover, it was a rough trip. All-in-all it was 26-1/2 hours door-to-door. Customs in Taiwan was a breeze, easier than the US in fact. As you walk through the airport towards customs, they have those full-body x-rays that show everything you have in your person. These are the same ones they want to install in the USA, but the ACLU has been adamantly opposed to due to privacy issues. I've got to say it was pretty cool to see yourself walking by with all your metallic possessions visible on a screen. I wouldn't object and it moves a great deal faster than what we have.

A few days prior to our departure, Greg had noticed the reviews on-line of the Westin in Taipei were less than satisfactory with phrases such as "Genghis Khan" populating the reviews. So, at his behest, we picked the Shangri-La Far Eastern Plaza, at NT$10500 (US$315) per night; it was costly but well worth it. It was the second best hotel I've ever stayed at and a truly impressive place. It actually helped to have a nice hotel with staff that spoke English (and even an American Breakfast buffet) to ease the transition from US to Chinese culture.

Our first day (Monday 10-17) started with a breakfast meeting. Since most of you don't care about the business aspect of this trip, I will skip most of that. However, I do have to point out a few things. We learned the average semi-skilled factory worker makes about US$800 per month or US$9600 per year and the working conditions are very rough on them. They work in hot, greasy, caustic environments wearing shorts and sandals. It's not very pleasant and I felt bad for them. Some factories are much worse than others, but I will skip the descriptions here and just let you see my pictures if you want.

As we drove around, there were a few details worth mentioning. The lowest octane gas they sell there is 93 and the highest is 98. It doesn't cost much more than here, either and it's full serve too so I was rather amused by that. There are 7-11 and Circle-K stores all over Taiwan as well as McDonald's and KFC and some other names you'd recognize as well: many of the restaurants are two story buildings and are always crowded. But their burgers are rice-based and not meat based. The popular local chain in Taiwan is Mos-Burger: you figure it out.

Speaking of driving, there are scooters everywhere. They dart in and out of traffic totally disregarding the traffic laws which are, apparently, only polite suggestions not to be taken seriously by any motorized vehicle, and especially not a scooter. It's amusing and amazing at the same time. And as bad as the drivers in Taiwan could be, they were sane compared to those in Shanghai. I will never set foot in Shanghai again -- it was terrifying.

Another oddity to Taiwan (everywhere except in Taipei city) was the Betel Box-Babes as I call them. On many of the roads there are these small glass boxes the size of mini-vans. Inside are very scantily dressed ladies. If you pull up and toot your horn, they run out and hand you their narcotic nuts and gum which helps keeps drivers awake. I can't explain this any better and our Taiwanese hosts did not discuss it much other than to say it was "bad". (Three links courtesy of David Higgins.)

Taipei itself was a very clean city. Everyone was exceedingly friendly. Many of the signs are bilingual. I'm sure I could find my way around without a guide. We even took the local (new) subway. I enjoyed it there, and wouldn't mind going back one day. It's friendly, clean, and safe.

The culture here is different and the business people all try and drink you under the table. The custom there is that if your host takes a drink, you have to drink the same amount. It's pretty much repeated bottoms-up toasts. After a ½ vial of sake, I gave up. (Sake is Japanese, but we were at a Japanese restaurant.)

All the meals there are multiple (usually 12) course events, served on a round, spinning table (aka the lazy-Susan-of-death). Some of the items are very good. Others leave a great deal to be desired. Fish heads in jelly, gelatinous eels, and sea cucumber are just some of the 'delights' to which I was subjected. Fish eye soup was the most repulsive looking one, though. I refused to even taste it. I do not like my meal looking back at me. Which reminds me that any dish with fish, lobster, prawns, or chicken is pretty much guaranteed to have the head attached when served -- in fact sometimes your fish is still alive when they serve it to you.

This brings us to the Rocky Horror Picture Show Food Moment. (This happened in Tainan, but I'm sticking it here because it's food related.) That morning our hosts from Taipei pick us up and prepare to take us on some factory tours in Tainan. They ask us what we'd like, and being totally sick of Chinese, I jokingly says 'a nice juicy steak' knowing full well we ain't getting one. So it's lunch time, and we're out at lunch with a typical lazy-Susan-of-death meal at a very authentic restaurant (containing no Americans but us and absolutely no trace of the English language). Our host goes to the kitchen area to pick out our meal as is customary, and we're resigned to another seafood extravaganza, and indeed I am not disappointed as I am served a fin from some unknown sea-entity. Then LO AND BEHOLD! in comes a plate of what appears to be small chopstick sized pieces of beef. It is handed to me first, and I take a piece and offer it to everyone. My colleague gets a piece as do the ladies from Taiwan. I take one bite and know something is seriously amiss. I've eaten cow, bison, deer, moose, caribou, and even horse and this is clearly none of them. I nudge Greg's foot to stop him from eating more; as I am preparing to do this, the Tainan big-shot looks pointedly at the plate and says (thought the interpreter) that "we don't eat beef because it is bad luck for business." I'm guessing it was dog, but I really don't want to know.

From Taipei, we went by car to Taichung. The Landis Taichung was a disappointment but even that wasn't too bad. We proceeded on to Chunghua but did not overnight there. I nearly created a serious incident when our host asked, as I understood it, if we wanted to see a very Big Puta. Speaking Spanish and knowing his company had a Spanish name, I started to laugh. It took me some time to realize his accent made Buddha sound like Puta. (It's often customary to offer your business guests a 'massage service' which I had to decline quite forcefully at times. These services come complete with the 'happy ending'.) This particular vendor was accommodating and afforded us the rare honour of inviting us into his very grand home for a tour: this is something that is not normally done over there.

We then drove on to Tainan finding the traffic jam from hell -- we sat in one spot for nearly an hour, later learning the highway was closed due to a huge accident. On the way to Tainan we passed the tracks for the new bullet train which will go from Taipei to Kaohsiung in 90 minutes making four stops. That will make any future trip a lot easier. We were told Tainan was an old, small town. It was pretty damned big: their view of small is not the same as our view of small. Each successive town was smaller and less tourist-friendly than the previous. Tainan had virtually no English outside the hotel, but the Tayhih Landis Tainan was very nice and modern. Like all American breakfasts in this country, it was served cold. (I had already learned to stuff myself at breakfast to avoid lunch at all costs.)

The more rural the city, the more likely you were to find the dreaded squat-toilet. There are very few western style toilets there where you can sit in comfort. They have a porcelain bowl (an oblong sink) right in the center of the floor. You squat over it and go. Oh, yeah, I hope you brought toilet paper because they generally don't provide it. Don't put your toilet paper in there either. There's a small wastebasket next to the squat-toilet for the paper as the pipes can't handle the paper. In modern places you will find a stall with a sign on the door "Western Toilet" or "Sitting Toilet" -- even in Hong Kong this is true.

From Tainan we went on to Kaohsiung, which was a bustling city; however the air was bit hazy and it had a certain odour about it. We stayed at the Grand Hi Lai which was a cool hotel with a fantastic view -- too bad the smog blocked it. We were luckily upgraded to an executive floor which made the stay enjoyable. The lobby sold chocolates which we partook of regularly. They also had erotic chocolates in amazing detail and they were just embarrassing to look at but quite amusing. I wonder if there were nuts in that one piece.... On a nearby cluster of buildings there was an entire amusement park built on the rooftops with a roller coaster, Ferris Wheel, carousels, etcetera; truly a sight to behold.

It was a very friendly town, but air-quality-wise not unlike Newark on a bad day. Like all Far Eastern cities, they have department stores. But these are stores with very specific departments and not like what we have now -- more like the old traditional department stores of yore. It's sort of like individual offices that sell one brand (Burberry) with its own employees, and everything. It's closer to being a mall that a department store. We wasted some time at the mall here looking for a Buddha for Greg's desk. One of the factories we visited (a coating company) was bragging how the average worker lived to be almost 40 years old. Imagine that.

Once again we noticed some rather overt apparently racist attitudes which we found shocking. Invariably the topic of hurricanes came up and Katrina was part of that. They expressed universal disgust at the way it was handled, and we basically agreed. However more upsetting were their comments that at least it was just the poor people or weren't they all black, anyway and other remarks. We got this a number of times and it was shocking. I'm not sure what to make of it.

From Kaohsiung we flew to Hong Kong on DragonAir. Security here is like it used to be in the 1970s in the USA, that is to say virtually non-existent. I could have carried pretty much anything other than live ammunition through and I doubt they would have cared. I highly recommend DragonAir. The flight was fantastic, the service was friendly, and the plane left early because everyone was on board! They didn't make us sit around pointlessly awaiting a phantom departure time.

Hong Kong (locally known as Hongkong, SAR, PRC) customs was relatively easy. Although it returned to Chinese rule in 1997 after England's lease expired, it remains entirely British down to left-hand driving. Everything is in English or bilingual. Much of the population speaks English, and they're very friendly. The subway is awesome and we used it extensively. They also have an Airport Express train which goes from the airport to both Kowloon and Hong Kong proper saving you a very expensive cab ride. Sort of like Heathrow Express but more modern and much faster.

Hong Kong is beyond description and I will gladly return there one day to spend some time. This is one of those rare cities I fell in love with. Hong Kong is a very tall city. There are 100s of buildings over 60 floors many of which are residences/condominiums all of which were embarrassingly small and overpriced at the same time. There is lots of green. Victoria Harbour is amazing as is the Peak's view of the city. We did both of those famous places, took the Walk of Stars, traipsed along Nathan Road, and even took the Star Ferry. We saw an authentic Chinese Junk sailing by. We went to a Night Market where you can buy all sorts of overpriced stuff, but you can often haggle it down to nearly half of the asking price.

This is one of those rare cities you can fall in love with. It is, however, embarrassingly expensive, in fact although it ranks below London and Tokyo on the 'most expensive cities in the world list' I found it to be considerably more expensive. An iced tea is around US$7 and no free refills either. There are many shops, but the famed Hong Kong bargain no longer exists for standard items, though for bespoke clothing you can't go wrong here.

We went to Hong Kong Disney for about 3 hours. It just opened in September 2005 and is accessible by its own private subway/metro route. It's not overly expensive but it's very, very small. Space Mountain (very cool) is the only coaster attraction, and many big attractions simply aren't here: Pirates, Big Thunder, Haunted Mansion, are all missing here. We were done in 3 hours having done all the rides we wanted to. Although they have FastPass, it's not needed. As much as I hate to say it, if you take a pass on this park you aren't missing anything but the spectacular view of the castle with a background of a mountain.

[We considered going home before Wilma once we were aware of it and how severe it might be. For days it looked like it might not hit, or if it did it would be a minor storm. By the time the forecast changed, there was no way we could make it home before the storm hit. So we opted to be productive and continue our trip, figuring we could fly home after it passed. We would find out that the airports were damaged as was everything else. Airports back in our area resumed operations 10-28, and we were scheduled to be back home on 10-30, so at that point we finished the trip. I put this in because so many people asked what our thinking was.]

Because China doesn't recognize Taiwan as an independent nation, converting currency is done in Hong Kong where they take your NT$ convert them to any third currency and then that third currency to Yuan (RMB). It's a very costly procedure. Don't go to Hong Kong or China with Taiwanese money. We took DragonAir on to Shanghai, one of the most populated cities on earth at over 17 million people (more than most countries). We landed through a smogish haze reminiscent of 1980s Los Angeles only worse.

Chinese customs is scary. First, the paperwork is a lot more complex than anywhere else I've been (US included) and there's a medical form to fill out. As you stand in line -- which moves at a glacial pace -- there are doctors scanning the crowd along with lots of police. After medical clearance, you move to passport control where they check your passport, visa, and finally send you through. This process is slow because they study every single stamp in your passport -- and mine is nearly full. There is a big sign that says "The People's Republic of China may refuse to allow you entry into or exit from China without providing any reason" in many languages. Also, they have a separate customs line for Taiwanese citizens. Taiwanese citizens can't fly to China directly: they have to take a 90 minute detour, fly to Hong Kong and then into China because China also will not allow flights from their 'renegade province' -- to say political relations are strained is an understatement. The citizens don't much seem to care.

When you get your first whiff of Shanghai air, you will quote Gollum. "It burns! It burns!" And it's brown and thick. I have to tell you, it's just grotesque. The drivers here are the worst drivers in the universe: they make New Yorkers and Bostonians seem positively calm. In our "pray we make it" car ride to the city, we passed the world's only commercially operating MagLev train which gets from the airport to the city's main train station in 8 minutes going almost 300 miles per hour. It's amazing and I wish we'd have taken it, but our luggage made it impractical, so we were stuck in the one hour car ride from hell.

Shanghai has bicycles like Taiwan has scooters. They're everywhere and they drive no better than the cars. Shanghai is a fascinating city, and I'm sure many people would like it, but I can't say much except it was a unique experience. Greg and myself spent more time walking around Shanghai than any of the other cities simply because we had more time. The city is dirty, I can't emphasize that enough. My eyes, two days later, still are burning like hell and my lungs won't be clear for days. We walked down Nanjing Road, the Bund, and saw the Yangtze which makes the Hudson look like a pristine mountain lake.

The trip home was on China Eastern Airlines. It might not mean much to you, and it didn't mean much to us either. Before I rant, I want to say the flight attendants were delightful and put up with us in good humour. Other than that, I want to remind everyone to never, ever, no matter what, fly an airline owned by a Communist government. The "food" was ample but if you don't want to eat the "meal" who cares. I did not eat my lamb chops for lunch because they were too greasy and unappetizing. When my breakfast came, they put my uneaten lamb chops on top of my omelette. The seats while big could use more padding, the waiting area for the flight was Spartan at best. And, while I'm at it, Pudong airport makes any other major look like a masterpiece. (The design is nice, it's what's IN the airport.) Did you know you can't get a chocolate bar at the airport? Really.

Customs in LAX was a breeze though they didn't have luggage transfer points, so we had to haul our luggage from Tom Bradley to Terminal four. Although we were worried we'd miss our flight, it ended up being an hour late so we were cool. Greg conned us into the Admiral's Club where we waited for the trip home. The rest of the flight was uneventful and I'll end my tale here so you don't have to hear the agony of me coming home to what Wilma did to my home.

I will gladly answer questions if you have any.

CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON

This is a retro-post. I put this online 24 December 2005 using the date it was originally sent out.

This isn't the type of film I normally see. But it looked interesting to me, and it's getting press as one of the best films of the year.

It finally opened in Miami this weekend in limited release: all of 6 theatres. So, I went and saw it in Broward County.

Overall the film is visually incredible. Choreography and such are beyond compare. The plot is simple and easy to follow. The characterizations are interesting (though I had trouble telling two of the lead ladies apart and I kept getting confused who was who).

The film is entirely in Mandarin Chinese as such the film is subtitled and I found that to be its biggest distraction because I had to read it all to follow: the film isn't able to stand by just watching it. Translation is essential. While I despise dubbed films, it might have been better in this case.

Still an excellent film.


-- Eric