All Sorts of Tidbits II

Ah, yes, the compendium type post. Sure to be of interest to no-one, except, guess what? You're here reading it. So it must interest someone at least little on some level. That or your RSS reader has let you down in a spectacular fashion.

1. First, the blog is approaching 200,000 posts and I expect we'll hit that number this summer. Though recent traffic has dropped off a bit. I cannot believe how many hits I get, though about 70% of them are what I deem a "worthless" hit. To me, that's someone who reads the one post they came across and never comes back to the blog again.
2. Secondly the mix of visitors has slowly started to change. Search engine referrals are down to 73.5% while website referrals are up to 26% -- Google still provides most of our traffic (75% of that 73%).
3. My post on Led Zeppelin still remains the single most popular post and it generates people who linger and read the 300+ comments. Following that is the post about Daniel Radcliffe's Penis which generates more worthless hits than anything -- apparently people think they're getting the goods from my website. I think not. In third place is the Dell Sucks post which generates traffic as well as getting me lots of sympathetic e-mails. In fourth place is the Crazy Frog post, which like the Penis post, is worthless for valuable traffic. All other posts generate insignificant traffic when measured over time. Short-term some posts like mine on Wolfgang Van Halen and Terry Brooks generate short-terms bursts but then people move on to whatever else is news.
4. A special shout-out goes to Maury Wilkinson. She's the one who challenged me to make a blog. So I should thank her for that. But that's not why she's getting the shout-out here. She's been bugging me forever to get a TiVo. I broke down and got a DVR today (which she calls a Ti-Faux because it's a generic one) so I don't have to miss House, Heroes, and Lost any more. We'll see how I like it.
5. I love being a grammar Nazi. No, really. I'm not perfect but I am better than most people. And I certainly know the difference between your/you're and it's/its -- which about 80% of the people who write me obviously don't. I started a thread on my Panthers Hockey Message Board (which actually tracks back to another thread on a different board). I am only mentioning this because the thread is awesome. And better yet, the spiteful bitch on the original thread, who apparently runs the LED board, made an ass out of herself, engaged in petty-name calling, and then used RED on the matrix board to make the error worse.
The thread got locked and the entire ad was gone from the last game. Victory is mine! (Okay, it's got nothing to do with me or anything I said, but still.)
6. My guest room is now wired for HDTV for the benefit of my guests. And I've installed a new flat-screen LCD TV. Isn't that great? Except I don't like guests. Damn -- I think that may be ironic. That's why I'm in the process of finding a new home for my Sony KV27EXR10.
7. I saw Horton Hears a Who. It is surprisingly good. Really. Except when they break into song at the end -- a clear Shrek rip-odd. Everyone knows the story, has read the book, etcetera so there's no point in me going over it. You will like it. Visually appealing, very entertaining, and just a good film. Really. Saw previews for Ice Age 3, Narnia: Caspian, Wall-E and Speed Racer. I can't wait to see the first three. I was looking forward to Speed Racer but the preview has me reconsidering.
8. My neck still hurts (see accident report) and though it was getting better, it's acting up again. Not sure why. But my C4 vertebrae is in the wrong place according to the x-ray the chiropractor took. I definitely have whiplash. Progressive Insurance are being serious poopy-heads about it, and I've written a letter to their CEO and the State of Florida Insurance Commissioner. They lied to me, and I caught them in the lie. They also tried to get me to sign a waiver of rights including all future rights. I'm not even cured yet and they want to buy me off for a small pittance. I was very up-front. I want them to pay my medical bills. Nothing more and nothing less. Apparently they think this is unfair. State Law entitles to me reimbursement for missed work and other benefits. I wasn't really excited about the paperwork, but I suppose I have to do it now. It's clear they are lying scum and do not have my best interests at heart. Ultimately, I will be better so I'm not worried about long term issues, but if they think I'm signing a waiver for something down the road, they're nuts. What if something was missed on the x-ray? Too many things could go wrong. Woe be the person who gets rear-ended by a Progressive policy holder. Progressive Sucks. They must use Dell laptops :)
9. I am opposed to bio-fuels. Why? Food should not be used to operate cars when people are starving to death all over the planet. I can't imagine why anyone thinks this is a good idea.

Costly and Fatal Commas of Blasphemy

The first three items are excerpted and amended from the original at canongate. The fourth item is from my own blog.

1. THE FATAL COMMA
   Czarina Maria Fyodorovna once saved the life of a man by transposing a single comma in a warrant signed by her husband, Alexander III. On the bottom of the warrant the czar had written: `Pardon impossible, to be sent to Siberia.' The czarina changed the punctuation so that her husband's instructions read: `Pardon, impossible to be sent to Siberia.' The man was set free.
2. THE BLASPHEMOUS COMMA
   In several editions of the King James Bible, Luke 23:32 is changed entirely by the absence of a comma. In the passage that describes the other men crucified with Christ, the erroneous editions read: `And there were also two other malefactors.' That clearly includes Christ as a malefactor. Instead of counting Christ as a malefactor, the passage should read: `And there were also two other, malefactors.'
   
3. THE MILLION-DOLLAR COMMA (USA)
   The US government lost over a million dollars through the slip of a comma. In the tariff act of June 1872, a list of duty-free items included: `Fruit plants, tropical and semitropical'. A government clerk accidentally altered the line to read: `Fruit, plants tropical and semitropical'. Importers successfully contended that the passage, as written, exempted all tropical and semitropical plants from duty fees. This cost the US a fortune until May 1874, when the passage was amended.
4. THE TWO MILLION-DOLLAR COMMA (CANADA)
   In August 2006, Rogers Communications was to lose C$2,130,000 because of a misplaced comma in a contract. Yes, the world's most expensive comma and you should all read the column in my previous blog post. The whole thing comes down to this: Page 7 of the contract states the agreement: “shall continue in force for a period of five years from the date it is made, and thereafter for successive five year terms, unless and until terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party.” Look at the comma in red -- I've highlighted the previous word to make it easy to find. Without the comma it's a five year contract which renews for successive 5 year terms. With the comma, it says the contract can be terminated with one year notice regardless of the terms. This is standard contract verbiage. The judge has ruled that the contract is quite clear and is allowing it to be terminated.

A comma is important. Really. And even if you don't like these anecdotes, you must realize it's important to express yourself clearly and accurately. The comma will help.

Dear Editor, How's Your Grammar?

The Miami Herald and daily fishwrapper has slipped to a new low today.

5 June 2007

Dear Editor:

I have been a subscriber of the Miami Herald for well over 20 years and I read it almost every single day. Lately the numbers of errors in proofreading have been utterly appalling. I am not sure who, if anyone, proofreads your articles, but they are in desperate need of a new career more suited their skill level. In today’s paper you had two grave errors after which I gave up reading and tossed the whole thing in the recycling bin.

I will assume that the reporters themselves are committing these errors, and they certainly should know better. However, your proofreader has one job: and that’s to make sure these offenses don’t reach the public. The public at large is already struggling with basic grammar, and for the Herald to let these sort of errors out for people to see, and possibly think are correct is inexcusable. In today’s paper there were two of the most heinous grammar errors known to man.

First: “The Fillmore Miami Beach will open it’s doors in October” was a headline on the Front Page of section C. Secondly, in today’s article on various water beverages, the same error appears again: “WaterPlus drinks like a juice because of it’s intense fruit flavoring.”

Please inform your proofreader that IT’S is a contraction for IT IS or, less commonly, IT HAS. It’s certainly not a possessive. Almost five years ago, I wrote your office after a similar rash of errors and the editor at the time wrote me back and argued with me. Really. I almost didn’t write this letter, but it’s been pretty bad lately and you need to do something.

I would respectfully request you please send your proofreader(s) back to fifth grade for a re-training program. This is a poor reflection on what was once a great paper. I am sure your employees are educated but one wouldn’t know it from reading.

Respectfully,

Eric A. Seiden

Misplaced Comma costs $2.13 million dollars

Life is good. Yes, grammar has struck a blow for itself. Rogers Communications is expected to lose $2,130,000 because of a misplaced comma in a contract. Yes, the world's most expensive comma.

I always espouse good grammar and ridicule people who screw it up (normal typos excused). However this is what we call 'priceless' -- and you should all read the column in the Toronto Globe and Mail.

The whole thing comes down to this: Page 7 of the contract states the agreement: “shall continue in force for a period of five years from the date it is made, and thereafter for successive five year terms, unless and until terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party.”

Well, let's look at the comma in red, though I've highlighted the previous word to make it easy to find. Without the comma it's a five year contract which renews for successive 5 year terms. With the comma, it says the contract can be terminated with one year notice regardless of the terms. This is standard contract verbiage. The judge has ruled that the contract is quite clear and is allowing it to be terminated. And I, for one, am pleased.

Apostro'phes

So, I was at Eric "Ptomaine" Hedlund's blog earlier today. I go there now and again, despite the fact he posts in spurts and then doesn't post for over a year. If he posted regularly, you can be sure he'd be in the blog link section on your right. You may remember Eric from several other mentions (#1 and #2) in this blog. I only mention Eric because he had this fantastic link in his blog and I feel the need to thank him for reminding me about it. As everyone knows, I despise people who don't know the difference between it's and its, especially when they should know better. It's a regular peeve of mine, and I rant about it endlessly on my website and in posts around the 'net. I am not above writing to an editor of a publication to complain. It's quite frustrating to see the increasing flocks of ignorant people.

So what did Eric post that excited me so much? A link, a long forgotten one. In specific, it's a link to The Apostrophe Protection Society. Yes, it's a real link! The site is not pretty to look at, but it's rather well organized and very informative. I encourage you to go there. If you're a lover of the book Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, you will love this site. Grammar and punctuation are highly underrated.


PS: Don't forget the newsgroup: alt.possessive.its.has.no.apostrophe

Bush, Bullshit, Grammar, Ads, Used Computers, Sina, and Gorillaz

First, we have Matt Deatherage's blog post about Bush's service record. Originally CBS was accused of forging the documents. Only, well, they weren't forged. I don't want to steal Matt's blogging efforts, so go here to read it. I am never above a shot at Bush either so here's a quick (old) joke before I go on:

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD
Crawford, Texas (AP) -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA but there was no answer. (from RHF 12-12-05 Henry Farkas)

Now, on to my next topic. I subscribe to a great weekly e-newsletter called This Is True, and you should too. Randy who runs it is a good guy. He doesn't sell your information or even rent it out. Those of you who may remember and/or have been graced with those cool "Get Out Of Hell" cards I gave out; well I got 'em from Randy. So why do I mention This Is True? Because of this article, one of many in this week's mailing:

TYPE OH: Moon God Drinking Products Co., a skin care company in China, has offered a bounty of 1,000 yuan (US$120) for every typographical or literary error found in a day's editions of four Chinese publications in an attempt to embarrass journalists into better writing. Hao Mingjian, who came up with the idea for the bounty, said that "China's press has lost its polish in the past decade or two," which "reflects a chaotic cultural environment and shows people lack a sense of responsibility." (Reuters) ... Nice try, but journalists can't be embarrassed.

I hate bad grammar, and this really amused the hell out of me. I used to write our local paper about their occasional atrocities, but once they actually argued with me. The Miami Herald, aka the Daily Fishwrapper, isn't populated by the sharpest tools in the shed. It was, after all a headline with a terrible error with an apostrophe. Instead of apologizing, ignoring me, or otherwise moving on, I got a typed(!) letter from the editor in question arguing with me. Yes, it's true. "The Shark's Were Out" indeed. Not. After five years, this made the event pop back in my head.

And, a brief word about Google's AdSense. Yeah, I've put ads up on my blog. This is recent and has been here for a few weeks -- I doubt you've noticed, and judging by the click-throughs nobody else has either. You're not supposed to draw anyone's attention to them either (nor encourage people to click on them). But I want you to look at them for a minute. I find it fascinating, because sometimes some really weird ads come up. I understand why it was running roofing ads (my Wilma post) and sponsorship ads (my Panthers tirade) and even charity ads (my Katrina/Wilma posts), but sometimes I get some really messed-up ads. I think you'll find them amusing sometimes.

Besides posting Google's AdSense ads in the hopes of defraying some of this site's expenses, I have also posted a link where you can just donate right to my webhosting bill. Donations go right to my webhosting account and not to me so no worries about me absconding with whatever pennies you may throw my way. Also, if you sign up for hosting a Dreamhost and give my address out, I will get a small credit towards my bill (or if you e-mail me, I can request the credit.) There were other far more lucrative options available to me for ads, but I didn't want to be intrusive, and I thought this was the best way. Help the sites and blog continue in any way you feel fit.

Speaking of ads, the banner at the bottom is not an ad, but a link to a site I rather enjoy. Yes, I actually own a rap album now. And I really like it. So there. Deal. You might want to go there and listen to some of the songs. Gorillaz' Demon Days is a truly rocking album. I bet nobody I know ever pegged me to deliberately buy a rap album. I'm thinking of buying their first album now. Scary, eh?

Oh, and someone I haven't spoken to since 1984 sent me a holiday card today. I guess he Googled me. I used to work with him at the Used Computer Store when I was attending Berkeley. I can't believe they still have the same logo, but they do. Anyway, his name's Sina Balour and this is a little shout out because he was cool then. I bet he's still cool now. Like I'm an authority on cool. Hah. As if.

OK, I'm pissed

Someone typed "IT'S" when they meant "ITS" and I flamed them. "I hate you" was the general reply. I created a response to that, and I was rather proud of it, so here it comes:

People who can't use an apostrophe properly aren't entitled to hate. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, they shouldn't even be entitled to breathe. The failure to use language properly indicates one (or more) of the following conditions:

1. The total and complete inability to communicate properly.
2. Total and complete laziness. In this case, the person is better off shutting up. If you're too lazy to communicate properly and effectively, then what you have to say is of no value to anyone. If you don't care about what you are trying to express to do it properly, why should anyone else?
3. The stupidity of the person (Type-A). Stupid people are forgiven because they're simply unable to learn the correct way. These people have a biological disorder (mental retardation, etc) that prevents them from effectively presenting an idea properly.
4. The stupidity of the person (Type-B). These people are just dumb because they didn't pay attention in school . These people may be shot and killed on sight.
5. The person has not yet learned the language. If the person is speaking ESOL, then they are forgiven. However, I've found most ESOL people speak English much better than native English speakers. (I refer to Americans who just aren't up to snuff for the most part -- As an American, I am happy to judge my ignorant countrymen.)

I'm not sure you'll find another reason. You must fall in one of these categories. So are you stupid or a retard? That's probably harsh, but one must NEVER misuse IT'S/ITS or YOUR/YOU'RE or THEIR/THEY'RE or even TO/TOO.

The best part is, when someone does it and I flame them and they ask "Do you think you're* better than me?" I can answer quite honestly, "Obviously so, don't you think?"

* This is usually misspelled when it's in an e-mail which causes me paroxysms of laughter.

-- Rev CMOT

READ THIS BOOK:
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves (B&N Hyperlinked)