RIP George Carlin. An Angry But Funny Man

I love hockey. George Carlin did not. His priceless rant on it was "Hockey is not a sport. Hockey is guys trying to beat the crap out of each other while playing with a puck. In that sense it is a higher form of boxing, but it will never be a sport because of the puck. Have you ever heard of a puck out side of a urinal? It's in there to control the smell! Anything whose main object of play comes from the urinal in a men's bathroom, cannot be a sport." You know what? That's funny.

I last saw George Carlin in November 2006 (I believe) at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada. George, in his last few years was a much angrier person. But he was still funny, though sometimes it was an uncomfortable funny like watching Ricky Gervais on The Office. And sometimes he just veered off into commentary that made no attempt to be funny. But it was a good show, a thinking man's show.

Carlin constantly eviscerated the accepted boundaries of comedy and language, being in the league of the legendary Richard Pryor, especially with his famous routine on the "Seven Words" — all of which are taboo on broadcast TV to this day. He said, "And words, you know the seven don't you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war." You can read the whole routine in this article.

"So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I'm perversely kind of proud of," Carlin told The Associated Press earlier this year.

RIP George

I thought I'd leave you with a little routine.

Firefox and Politics

Virtually all Windows PCs ship with IE, giving it a 72% share of the browser market. Firefox, which is typically downloaded rather than factory installed, has a 17% market share, followed by Apple's Safari at 5%. This is a nice improvement over the old days when IE was well into the 90%. Firefox is slowly eating away at IE and that's a good thing.

Today Firefox are going to overthrow the world by trying to be the most downloaded software ever. You can get Firefox3 at http://www.getfirefox.com and installing it. I had many false starts and stops when the servers crashed under the load placed on them when it rolled out just past 10am PST -- the clock ending 24 hours later at 10am PST tomorrow.

I've installed at work on the PC without incident. Sadly, I'm going to have to hold out a few days on the Mac version at home. I've downloaded it as a show of support but due to banking issues with my bank, it will be a few weeks before I can use it. Firefox3's default skin/theme is horrible beyond measure and I recommend AeroFox which is very nice (it's what I've installed until Noia is upgraded soon to work with FF3. Both are by the same guy.) And don't forgot to install your dictionary if you want automatic spell checking.

I have an RGA from WD and am working with CBL on my drive issues still. I will issue a full report when I can, and will add a glowing recommendation of CBL but I'm holding back because there's still stuff going on (but nothing bad against CBL if you're in need of recovery services).

And, lastly, from Razzie this awesome video "Why I'm voting republican."




And, for the record, as stated in an earlier post, barring a surprise entry by Colin Powell, I will be voting for Barack Obama. If you vote republican, you're buying for more years of hell for our country. It's time for a change.

Mac v PC: South Park Style

Okay, I'm not fond of posting YouTube links, and this one's priceless -- if you prefer to zip over to YouTube directly, here's a direct link. Or just click "Play" below.


The volume's a bit low, so you may want to crank it up. This is an unbiased video too so it matters not if you're pro-PC or pro-Mac, this is guaranteed to piss you off just a little. It really will make you laugh, and if you're a South Park fan, so much the better!

Jack And Bob

This is an old, old, old joke from my Boy Scout days.



Two friends-for-life, Bob and Jack, lost touch with each other during boy scouts when one moved away. By chance, they ended up in the same college.

They decide to go camping for old-times sake and to renew their friendship. On the appointed morning they drive into the mountains, park their Jeep and walk down a trail. Not long after, they pass a ranger station, but they keep going.

Pretty soon they're miles from anything and anyone. They see the ideal place to set up camp and proceed to do pitch the tent, and dig a campfire ditch.

Bob says, "Jack, I really gotta' take a whizz. Be right back," and heads off to the edge of the clearing. Bob starts to do his business.

Suddenly Jack hears Bob let loose with a really loud scream and runs over. "What happened, Bob?"

I was taking a whizz and a snake fell out of the tree and bit me on the end of my dick."

"Oh, man! That's terrible." Jack whips out his mobile phone to call for help, but there is no signal because they're too far away. Being ex-boy scouts, he knew that having Bobby walk back to the ranger station could kill him by making the venom flow faster though his blood stream. "I'm going to go to the ranger station and get help. You lie down and don't move."

Jack runs as fast as he can back to the ranger station, but it takes him nearly an hour. He beats on the door but nobody's there. He goes around back and breaks a window, hoping to find a phone inside. It's Jack (and Bob's) lucky day, for there is a phone. He picks it up and is almost instantly connected to a park ranger. He explains the situation.

"Sir, that sounds really bad. Can you describe the snake?"

Jack describes it.

"Oh, that's REALLY bad. The fastest we can be there is two hours because we're on the other side of the park. Your friend doesn't have that long. You gotta' cut a small slit where the snake bit, suck out the venom and spit it out. We're on our way as fast as we can."

"I gotta' do what? I gotta suck what?" Jack gives the ranger directions, then heads back to camp where he sees Bob, who isn't looking too good now.

"I'm sorry Bob, I've got bad news."

"What?"

"The ranger says you're going to die."


Okay, so that's the joke. It's old, it's funny, and you've probably heard it before in some form or another.

Now, here's a test question for those of you guys brave enough to answer publicly. If it was your best male friend, would he live or die? (I will not approve anonymous posts. You gotta use your real name if you reply to this one.)

A Cute Little Sigfile

(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.


This just totally appealed to my warped sense of humour. I thought I'd post it here for anyone to steal.

Cheney, Quail, Bush, Guns.

Actor/writer Steve Martin on The Huffington Post, took a satirical view of the recent shooting by our vice-dunderhead and bumberclod, Dick(less) Cheney.

"Vice President Dick Cheney, while hunting wild geese in the Rose Garden, accidentally shot President Bush twice, once in the heart and once in the head. 'I didn't really shoot the President twice,' said Cheney. 'The second time I shot him, I was president.'"

Okay. That was funny. You know my level of sympathy for people who go and kill living creatures for fun is really, really, close to non-existent. (If you eat what you kill, I'm all for it. Hunting as a source of food is brilliant, but as a sport it's repugnant to me.)

On a serious note, even though he's a lawyer, I do hope for the best for the victim. Nothing worse to put on your tombstone that "Shot by Cheney"

Best Blonde Joke Ever

All right, I was trying to think of something to update my blog with and well, frankly, I was still cold but another post about that would suck even though it is expected to get into the 30s in some areas overnight. A freaking freeze warning in Miami of all places. Damn.

This is THE best blond joke I've ever heard. I was laughing so hard I almost pissed myself. So anyway, here's the link: The best blonde joke ever

So very damned British

This exchange is from Planet Damnation. I am posting it here because it's so fabulously British it defies explanation to anyone who hasn't experienced Britishness at its finest. The setting is the first Gulf War.

RAF Wing Commander David Farquahar had a briefcase with a laptop containing the entire Gulf War briefing plans. Said briefcase was in an unmarked RAF car when Farquahar stopped at a used car lot in Acton (suburb of London) to look in their showroom.

The computer was returned by the thief with a note "Dear Sir, I am a common thief and I love my Queen and country. Whoever lost this should be bloody hung. Yours, Edward."

I find this to be utterly priceless.

I am Sociopath. Lucky me.

I took this online test and my comments are in green.

Sociopath
You are 85% Rational, 14% Extroverted, 57% Brutal, and 85% Arrogant.
I am not sure how I feel about this test, but thank god it's not necessarily for real.

You are the Sociopath! As a result of your cold, calculating rationality, your introversion (and ability to keep quiet), your brutality, and your arrogance, you would make a very cunning serial killer. You care very little for the feelings of others, possibly because you are not a very emotional person. You are also very calculating and intelligent, making you a perfect criminal mastermind. Also, you are a very arrogant person, tending to see yourself as better than others, providing you a strong ability to perceive others as weak little animals, thus making it easier to kill them. In short, your personality defect is the fact that you could easily be a sociopath, because you are calculating, unemotional, brutal, and arrogant. Please don't kill me for writing mean things about you!

To put it less negatively:
1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. Probably so.
2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. Duh.
3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle. I sort of disagree here but the test says so down below.
4. You are more ARROGANT than humble. Yeah, well no surprises here.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Hippie. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Spiteful Loner, the Smartass, and the Capitalist Pig. Yeah, well we know I'd get along with the Smartass because I am one, dammit.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types: Deleted to save space. Take the test to see 'em.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 70% on Rationality
You scored higher than 12% on Extroversion
You scored higher than 70% on Brutality
You scored higher than 95% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test

I don't wanna' be an American Idiot*....

http://tinyurl.com/an97r

I am deeply amused and deeply appalled at the same time. However, I must side with Toyota, because deep down I know they are right. And deep down, you know they're right too. This speaks volumes about our country and where our priorities are -- and have been for some time. We're not educating our citizens and look what it's brought us.

I will spare you the rant on what uneducated people do to our society, how they are more prejudiced, more this, more that, etc. You can go look up those facts: it's nothing to do with politics and all about if you're smart or stupid. And, frankly, more and more Americans are just plain pig ignorant. It's sad.



* Subject line is a gratuitous yet apropos Green Day reference.

A Vulgar Musical Interlude

First, the world famous and very ribald Hedgehog Song (as seen in Terry Pratchett's works) http://tinyurl.com/8azkx

Second, we have Maxwell's Silver Hammer by the Beatles unlike you've ever seen it.
http://tinyurl.com/86eo4

I hope this improves your weekend considerably.

-- E

Rob's Blog and a catchy tune (Pluma-Pluma)

Hello :)

You've just got to see this. These are from my friend Rob's blog. This was just too rich for an e-mail and I thought it should be here permanently. The links are now listed out here in-full for your viewing pleasure, and more importantly these are the original videos and not the edited ones that have been floating about.

Teenager: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60og9gwKh1o
(This is commonly referred to as the pluma-pluma guy or numa-numa guy)

Hockey Mascot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVds57ejy68
(12-1-06 This is the Panthers Mascot doing the dance, Stanley C. Panther)

Two Gays: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsttgMXy7Ww
[2-22-05 Teenager link is often overloaded -- here's a not-as-good edited version of that same video wherein someone has plugged in some still photos along with the dancing Josh Jones look-a-like.]


It must be noted that, for the record, a consensus of people -- myself included -- have determined the young man in the "Teenager" link looks remarkably like Joshua Jones. If Josh reads this he may kill me, but it'll be well worth it.

In another cruel twist of fate, you will not be able to get the damned song out of your head.

Cool Beans!
-- Eric

[12-1-06 This post was updated to reflect new URLs]

Ritchie's Revenge

WARNING: Do not drink liquid whilst reading this post. I am not responsible for damage to your surroundings. You've been warned.

Last night, my mother called with 2:07 left on the clock in the Steelers v Jets game (JETS SUCK). I told her I was watching football. All my friends and relatives know that is the universal "leave me alone and call back when the game is over" statement. But she insisted on talking, so I figured it must be important.

As she tells it: My mother has a very intelligent Siamese cat named Ritchie. She had just returned from work and fed Ritchie his brand new, expensive diabetic food. He took one bite of it, spit it out, turned around, sat in his bowl, and pissed on his food. (I was laughing uproariously at this story and thought that was it.)

But wait, there's more: My mother, as I mentioned, had just returned from work and was wearing an expensive velvet dress jacket. Anyway, mom was very upset with Ritchie, so she admonished him about his behaviour, and then tried picking him up. Whereupon, Ritchie pissed on her velvet jacket.

If you ever doubt your cat lacks the ability to prove he doesn't like his new food, this will cure you of any such thing. It's a day later and I still crack up thinking about it. The cat has spoken and will be obeyed.

-- Eric