Having Sex With Your Hand (And Not Making A Mess) This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Yeah, before we get to the subject line, let me first mention a few real stories.

The most admired and trusted company in the world is? Apple Computer. Forbes, who conducted the survey says "this year generated the highest response rate in its history ... For the third straight year Apple takes the No. 1 spot -- this time by the highest margin ever." The nearest competitor on the list is Google. Say what you want, that's some survey.

Paul shares this link with me. Politics are a dirty business, but if you're donating to the RNC, you might want to see what they think of you. If you're in the DNC you need to see what you're up against. It takes a special sort of person to look slimier than a used car salesman, yet they manage it. I do not believe all members are like this, but it's sad this is done so openly with the base assumption that the RNC clearly thinks the people who donate to it are idiots. (Hey, wait, maybe I share something in common with them... ::laugh:: )

And, today, we have news of the absurd. I provide this instead of the huge, major, earth-shattering announcement I was hoping to release today. It'll just have to keep waiting until I can make it. I do have that special post written and I'll I need to do is release it. So, today, we have news of the absurd.

The Swiss have begun producing extra small condoms for use by 12 year olds. In the article it says: The Hotshot condoms, which cost about US$8 for a packet of six, have been created by Lamprecht AG, a leading condom manufacturer in Switzerland. A standard condom has a diameter of 2ins (5.2cm) in comparison with the Hotshot's diameter of 1.7ins (4.5cm). Both are the same length – 7.4ins (19cm). I really have no idea how I should feel about this. I think protection is important for people of all ages, but I don't think twelve year olds should be having sex except with their hand*. In fact, I know a few people in their 30s who shouldn't be having sex either.

And speaking of sex, a city in New Jersey has gone of the deep end. A family (mother, son, and daughter) made a snowman. In fact, it was a snow lady. A near perfect replica of the world famous semi-nude marble Venus de Milo — aka Aphrodite of Milo. Yeah, the same one every single kid has seen in junior high in art class. It's not obscene, and not even titillating**. Yet, amazingly, someone complained and they were told to tear it down or cover it up. There's photos of it (clothed and nude) in USA Today. So it's okay for USA Today (and BBC and the AP and everyone else who carried the story) but not for a front lawn. Someone needs to get a grip.




* And only if all five fingers give their consent
** TITillating. :)

Post 800 -- Rapture! This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

This is, as far as my count shows, really post 800. I did a count and sync and I do believe this is the real deal. 800 posts and over 250,000 visitors. I think that makes my blog popular, though why continues to be a big mystery.

Today's first entry (all edited to preserve privacy) is stolen from a Facebook status entry for my friend Cheryl " 'I didn't know I needed permission to help people.' -- Michelle after being chastised by her teacher for not getting permission to sell the cookies and brownies she made to raise money to send to Haiti in response to their massive earthquake. PS: She made $90.00 in one day. I'm so proud of her." First, I'm proud of Cheryl's daughter too. The teacher, not so much. I replied "Good for her. Cheryl, might I suggest you call the principal and say something. What your daughter did should be commended and not chastised. I am glad you're proud of her and you need to back her up. The world needs more people like her and less of a teacher who would chastise a student for doing Good Work and the parents who obviously raised her properly."

I continue to watch the Late Night Wars and I have to stop as I am not getting enough sleep to function at work. The Wall Street Journal has weighed in with this gem of an essay. They go on to say why comics are no longer laughing at the Leno situation. And quite frankly, I completely understand. Leno is many things, but funny isn't one of them. At least not any more. Poor Johnny Carson is rolling over in his grave.

The Florida Panthers replaced their mini-Mascot. We have a full sized one and a small one. They looked basically the same. Now, not so much. This is a conglomeration of Evan's writing and mine: First they showed a video on the JumboTron of Mini Stanley getting sucked into the engine compartment of a Zamboni. After, he was rushed to the hospital and they showed him in surgery and then they briefly showed some sort of grey, scarred, macabre interim face before he was bandaged. After the surgery, they unveiled the new face. So, the character they invented to be less intimidating to kids has now scared them shitless by showing him in a "horrific" accident and coming out with zombie eyes and a Botox face. Evan's kid was so scared he couldn't sleep all night and Evan filed off a complaint to the Panthers. Mini Stanley thread here. It's not so much one small thing as the Panthers continue to shit on their fans day after day and the fans continue to take it. Our group has decided to draw a line in the sand. We'll see what happens. Keep up to date in this thread.

For those of you travelling into the United States, be prepared for even tighter security. The CBC is reporting that airlines are being notified by TSA to expect new even more stringent regulations to be imposed soon.

I mocked Pat Robertson the other day in my blog over his offensive and racist anti-Haiti comments. I figured he's always at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to that. He normally makes Rush Limbaugh look sane and normal. Well Rush has outdone himself and pretty much confirmed he's a racist, misanthropic, twat with his drivel. Even Rachel Maddow of MSNBC has proven to be a moron, though at least she's not a racist moron. Do these people have any clue? It's just repugnant to see how disgusting these 'people' are. I can't envision I come from the same species as these shit-spewing scum. With that preface here's a clip of John Stewart (of who I am not a big fan) commenting on video clips of all three of them.

All Sorts Of News This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

First, a quick health update. My fever is finally gone after maxing out at a little over 103. Not the highest I've ever had, but still very unpleasant. That means I am not contagious any more. However, you are contagious before you know you have it. If you were in contact with me Sunday or Monday be alert for a dry, hacking cough. If you get one, go to your doctor immediately and do not wait. It'll keep you in better shape. I still hurt everywhere (muscle aches and brutal headaches) and while the cough itself doesn't hurt, it's wreaking havoc on my throat and stomach muscles.

I am on disc 3 of the Beatles Remastered (Stereo) box set. I'm not listening in any particular order, but I am enjoying them. Some songs sound damned near identical, others are vastly different. I can only encourage all Beatles fans to rush out and buy this overpriced box set.

I'm sure you all heard by now the sad story of the kid who jumped into his parents' hot air balloon which wasn't properly tethered and it sailed off at altitudes of over 8000 feet before crashing some sixty miles away. Live video was show all over the national news. The boy's body wasn't found at the crash site, leading them to speculate he may have lost consciousness and fallen out somewhere along the way.

And I present, courtesy of Jose, a video of the best hockey goal ever. He's nine years old but plays on a team of twelve-year-olds because he's so good. The next Wayne Gretzky and you saw it here (there) first. I can promise you that goalie will have nightmares over this one.

My friend Richard Meeks was filmed as part of a documentary on Dungeon Masters. A small segment was filmed at my house a few years back. I'm hoping it was edited out. Anyway, the trailer is now available and it was even a selection at the Toronto Film Festival.

I am presently doing laundry because based on the amount of flu-caused sweating, they've either got to be burned or washed.

And a last-minute addendum (Thanks Mark Fischel, who wasn't sure if it was satire or not): Some twat posted a long lament about Rush not being allowed to own an NFL team. I read it several times, sure the person posting it must have been jesting. No, he's serious. To which I say: You have no right to own a team in any league. That decision is the sole provenance of the league owners. (Who, if you will check, are almost are Republicans.) They do not wish to bring further embarrassment upon the league. Rush's mouth put him right in the grave he dug for himself. Let me assure you Rush is not me because he embarrasses me. He's an affront to all intelligent people of either party. I wish he'd take his ball and go home like the child he is. Or, to be childish like Rush is, sod off and bugger off.

A Visit Avec Mom This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Flew up CO and we boarded on time, sat on the tarmac for twenty for an engine check, and were off after that. Arrived twenty late due to late departure, but we had an unusual flight path right near Disney so had a nice view of everything. Pilot was like twelve years old and that was disconcerting: mostly realizing he was old enough to be a pilot and I thought he was twelve.

The visit itself was fine. Straight to Mom's to unload, then to TooJay's for breakfast. Followed that with visit to BestBuy for surge protector, then to mall for a walk and peek into Barnes & Nobles. After which she showed me her new office. Back to her house wherein I removed old surge protector, tagged all plugs, and installed it. Hung bracket for her. Removed some crap from her computer (logitech camera crap). Watched some TV and then off to Haagen-Dazs then to the airport.

Checked in AA and took a little walk around before going through Orlando's glacial security lines. Got to terminal and found the AC was borked. Sweaty 1hr wait. I called Maury to say hi and she asked what all the noise was. I told her it was someone's ill-behaved sprog. Eventually said Sprog vanished and I went back to my book -- a review when done: the book that should have been done before I made it home. (Foreshadowing).

Plane boards, I get an upgrade to the front due to full plane. I am thrilled. Then, to my dismay some very loud people sit across the aisle from me. Talk too loud. Using phone. They have two grandkids. One is sent to the back to sit with the parents. One (4 y/o?) stays up front with the grandparents. Kid is being loud and unruly all during ground time and am unable to read. He finally shuts up. I begin to read my book and the plane is enroute.

Granddad asks flight attendant if he can bring the other grandkid (maybe 2?) to sit in the other empty seat. Flight attendant tells them no, it's not allowed. Grandad argues that it's a short flight and nobody will mind. Flight attendant says no. Flight attendant resumes duties. Grandparents argue with each other (loudly of course) that they should have done it without asking. Sprog mysteriously appears. Flight attendant has words with them but they do nothing and finally flight attendant caves. Kids aren't quiet. Another flight attendant takes pity on me because I am getting an earful, and pats me on the shoulder: we share an eye roll. Concentrating on book is difficult.

Ten minutes before landing they make the "all electronics off" announcement. The older kid starts throwing a temper tantrum like you haven't seen and heard. It was impressive. The grandfather starts screaming at the kid to "shut up" and the sprog gets louder. The grandmother asks one flight attendant to tell the kid "that he can't use his iPhone now so just be quiet" because apparently they don't want to do their job as (grand)parents. She refuses. Another flight attendant caves because there is about to be murder in the cabin.

Horrible flight. Not the fault of AA and I comment the flight attendants for putting up with it. If it was me, I'd have pushed the lot right out the fucking door. A reminder as to why I never, ever, no matter what, want kids. (Evan's kids are some of the best behaved I've met in their age range, and even that's a strain on me -- but I love them to death so don't take that as a knock.)

The flight arrived on time, and in a fit of spite, I blocked them in their row on landing and let the entire first class cabin off in front of me. I help everyone with their luggage and then pointedly leave the grandparents to fend for themselves. It served no purpose but to make me feel good. I feel bad for the people who were continuing on to Saint Louis with them.

Two Days On This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Let's start with something "normal" -- this was sent to me by my friend Dan (he's a musician). It's some kid singing a cover the Police's Roxanne. He's about 13, has a voice that will blow you away and plays both the guitar and drums. Phenomenal. And he's even having a good time.




In other news, I went to Publix again today, where shopping is sometimes a pleasure but not right at the moment. The pet aisle will, apparently, be a problem for me for awhile. I'm still unbearably sad. Had a number of people check up on me today via email -- a few by phone. And got stood up today for breakfast which pissed me off. Whilst waiting I watched an old, but new to me, 30th Anniversary of Star Trek special on BioHD. Interesting stuff. Eventually I realized I had been stood up, so I went to the mall for a while to kill time. It was early, so it wasn't too crowded.

A number of people are interested in some of Scooter's stuff so that'll be done by Friday. A few things are going to some locals if they pick 'em up in time, and then Susie-Q is getting any leftovers. I'll have to ship it truck line probably. That'll be loads of fun.

And I'm going to have to do something in my kitchen because it keeps reminding me of her. I'll figure that out soon. It's the spot by the door where her food used to be that gets me.

I made burgers for dinner, dropped some on the floor and left it. I went and ate my burgers and was momentarily surprised when I came back. It was still there and the cat hadn't eaten it. Oh, right. Damn.

When I roll over in bed, I still feel to make sure she's not there. That'll take time to.

I was going to read today, but I just screwed around on the computer -- IM with a few people and played with StumbleUpon -- and then this afternoon, I watched the Dolphins game. Oh, and while not normally a Gator fan, I am so glad they beat 'bama. DIE SABAN DIE! And GO BEARS for the Emerald Bowl. That concludes today's football discussion.

The Panthers are sucking ass. But as long as Alan Cohen owns it and Yormark is there, that will never change. I have learned to accept failure from my hockey team.

Little fan's final joy sees Ottawa Senators off to Cup This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Okay, I am rarely moved to tears. This one got me. What a fantastic piece, and it's a very sad story -- bittersweet and poignant. You've got a three-year old with a terminal illness and a bunch of hockey players. It proves some athletes can do good things for good people in unfortunate circumstances. A small excerpt follows, but read the whole article.

OTTAWA -- In the end, it was a hockey game Elgin-Alexander Fraser was not going to miss. The three-year-old spent his last hours at home, nestled between family and friends on a mattress on the living-room floor in front of the television watching the Ottawa Senators reach the Stanley Cup finals.

His right lung had collapsed and he breathed loudly, wheezing. When it became too hard to keep his heavy-lidded eyes open, because of the morphine, his family whispered the play-by-plays to him.

"Go if you want to go now bud," said his father, Hamish Fraser to his wee son, who weighed just over 30 pounds. "You don't have to hang on."

But that night, Elgin saw the Senators win. Two hours later, as his mother and father tightly held his hands and told him they loved him, he softly closed his eyes.