Having Sex With Your Hand (And Not Making A Mess) This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Yeah, before we get to the subject line, let me first mention a few real stories.

The most admired and trusted company in the world is? Apple Computer. Forbes, who conducted the survey says "this year generated the highest response rate in its history ... For the third straight year Apple takes the No. 1 spot -- this time by the highest margin ever." The nearest competitor on the list is Google. Say what you want, that's some survey.

Paul shares this link with me. Politics are a dirty business, but if you're donating to the RNC, you might want to see what they think of you. If you're in the DNC you need to see what you're up against. It takes a special sort of person to look slimier than a used car salesman, yet they manage it. I do not believe all members are like this, but it's sad this is done so openly with the base assumption that the RNC clearly thinks the people who donate to it are idiots. (Hey, wait, maybe I share something in common with them... ::laugh:: )

And, today, we have news of the absurd. I provide this instead of the huge, major, earth-shattering announcement I was hoping to release today. It'll just have to keep waiting until I can make it. I do have that special post written and I'll I need to do is release it. So, today, we have news of the absurd.

The Swiss have begun producing extra small condoms for use by 12 year olds. In the article it says: The Hotshot condoms, which cost about US$8 for a packet of six, have been created by Lamprecht AG, a leading condom manufacturer in Switzerland. A standard condom has a diameter of 2ins (5.2cm) in comparison with the Hotshot's diameter of 1.7ins (4.5cm). Both are the same length – 7.4ins (19cm). I really have no idea how I should feel about this. I think protection is important for people of all ages, but I don't think twelve year olds should be having sex except with their hand*. In fact, I know a few people in their 30s who shouldn't be having sex either.

And speaking of sex, a city in New Jersey has gone of the deep end. A family (mother, son, and daughter) made a snowman. In fact, it was a snow lady. A near perfect replica of the world famous semi-nude marble Venus de Milo — aka Aphrodite of Milo. Yeah, the same one every single kid has seen in junior high in art class. It's not obscene, and not even titillating**. Yet, amazingly, someone complained and they were told to tear it down or cover it up. There's photos of it (clothed and nude) in USA Today. So it's okay for USA Today (and BBC and the AP and everyone else who carried the story) but not for a front lawn. Someone needs to get a grip.




* And only if all five fingers give their consent
** TITillating. :)

BMW Sucks, Enterprise Doesn't, and Other Stuff This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Let's start with the good: Enterprise Rent-A-Car. In a previous post I detailed the misery of the first car they gave me: two flat tires, faulty transmission, broken key, smelled like cigarettes, and was dirty as hell. When I complained they didn't even care and was left on my own to deal with a crap car. I finally found another branch to help me out. When I turned in the car -- three weeks later -- I got an apology and nothing else. I didn't feel that was quite the right way to handle it, and I wrote their corporate office. I was expecting a refund for the first few days while I had the faulty car and an apology. Russ, the district manager, called me today. First, he apologized, sincerely, and said it was inexcusable. He said he had a meeting with the branch that rented the car. He also indicated he had actually checked out my facts and realized I was right. They are refunding most of the money I paid. Not for the first few days, but for the whole three weeks. He then apologized to me several more times, and gave me his mobile number in case I ever had trouble again. The moral of the story is: they care. My first contact with corporate produced a happy result without any threats, yelling, or anything. Good job Enterprise.

BMW, on the other hand, could care less about its customers. I have detailed the issues with my car, it being lost by the dealer, and so on and so forth. I will not recap most of it here. But the bottom line is for nearly a week my car was lost and no work was done. Even BMW can't dispute that because I have it in writing. Yes, I do. Well over a dozen emails where the dealer couldn't even find the car in their computer and asked me for my VIN despite the fact they sold me the car. Today, BMW calls me again. (They had called me before saying they were looking into it.) They told me the car wasn't actually lost, it was just in the wrong lot but they were really sorry for the inconvenience. I had asked for a written apology and a refund of one weeks rental (I did not know Enterprise was going to give me a credit, that happened just a couple hours ago.) BMW's position is that since the car wasn't lost, and I didn't want to drive down to swap cars, it wasn't their responsibility. They miss the fact that it was a one day repair job for which no work was started for a week. The service manager never called, only Tina from corporate. I asked if they were going to do anything other than "make a note in the dealer's record" to which she said, again, she was sorry. The fact is, BMW isn't sorry. They have made no effort to satisfy me as a customer and what does that mean? I won't get another one, all my friends will be told of my horrific experience -- and the 230,000+ people who read here will all hear about it. I'm guessing at some point I might even hear from BMW again, but I've got nothing to say to them except sod off. My next vehicle will be a Rover or an Acura or maybe even a Lexus. It will be pretty much anything except a BMW. The customer is always right, especially when the customer IS right and has it all in writing and can prove it. Never, ever tell the customer "you're sorry" and don't offer to do anything. I do need to point out, I have to go back to the dealer Saturday because the car was returned to me with a nail in the tire (this is a warranty repair and the only reason I am going to the dealer to do it -- it needs to be replaced). If you like service, don't buy a BMW because they do not care about you.

Lastly, Mark Fischel posted this link on Facebook. It's a fantastic article from the overly stodgy Wall Street Journal, and I just had to give it a heads-up in my blog. The OpEd piece by Peggy Noonan details everything that was wrong with Sarah Palin. And this quote made me smile, "In television interviews she was out of her depth in a shallow pool. She was limited in her ability to explain and defend her positions, and sometimes in knowing them. She couldn't say what she read because she didn't read anything. She was utterly unconcerned by all this and seemed in fact rather proud of it...." I think that sums it up nicely.

Shout out to Tara who's getting her first tattoo today. While I think it's a bad idea, I hope it makes her happy. Also to Erin whose poor foot still is making her miserable.

Ann Coulter, Republican Governors, MRIs, and a bitch This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Another GOP governor was caught in the arms of another woman, tearfully confessing after excerpts from his randy emails were posted. Apparently Republican governors are irresistible sex magnets with no ability to honour their commitments to their loved ones. That or Democrats are just not getting caught. This adds to the "politicians are scum" collection.

One of my long time friends has parted company with me, or it certainly seems that way, or maybe it's just a break. I just am not sure. It came at me out of the blue and made me very sad. I was thinking about it though, and things have been different for a few months -- I've noticed it. I don't want to go into it in a public forum, but thought I should address it since a number of people asked. Still, I hope this is temporary and I harbour no ill feelings. This is definitely a bad thing and I wish I knew what to do.

Media "personality" Ann Coulter appeared on Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show this week to discuss the murder of late-term abortion provider Dr. George Tiller. Coulter offered the following ethical assessment of the crime "I don't really like to think of it as a murder. It was terminating Tiller in the 203rd trimester." I always hated her because she's a nut job, but she's gone off the deep end. Murder is murder. She's saying it's not okay to kill a fetus because it's alive but it is okay to kill a doctor. The article I've hyperlinked above is interesting. I propose we terminate Ann Coulter and call that a termination in the cause of making the world a far more tolerant place. Oh, wait, I bet she'd call that murder. Hypocrtical c-word.

My MRI is tomorrow. The insurance company was being a serious poopy-head about it along with the hospital. It seems to be resolved. I hope. I won't bore you with the details unless you ask.

I am scheduled for an apppointment on 7-6-09 to get the results from said MRI. Getting an appointment with a doctor when the office doesn't return phone calls is difficult. This particular doctor has some of the worst office staff since the dawn of time. They are inefficient, uncaring, and in over a year and nearly a dozen phone calls have yet to return one single phone call. However, he's an excellent doctor. But once I'm done with this, I'm finding a new one. This is the same guy who leaves patients waiting for hours in the waiting room with no explanation. Doctor Dan Cohen if you want to know, though I'm not sure if he realizes how unprofessional -- or maybe it's just inefficient -- his staff is. (They also lost my MRI films once but found them a few days later.)

And, I've been instructed to give a shout out to the little bitch :P
[I take no responsibility for the above sentence, thankyouverymuch.]

I am also irritated that Facebook screwed up and put out quite a few days' worth of blog posts out at once today instead of when they were originally released.

Itchy and Scratchy Show This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

GAH! I am itchy today. That word "Gah" is stolen from someone. I hate this ::scratch, itch, scratch::

My dental work is possibly finished. If nothing gets worse and the sore teeth get less sore, then that ordeal is over, leaving me $800 poorer, no thanks to the guy who hit me. Okay, about $165 of it has nothing to do with the accident, but while they were in there digging, might as well get it all done.

On the way to work from the dentist, I passed an Enterprise Rent-A-Car which made me happy. I went in, spoke to someone in charge and explained why I was displeased. The first car I got from Enterprise had some tiny issues: (A) The transmission was shot, (B) the key was broken -- literally broken, (C) the key fob remote didn't work, (D) the trunk didn't open, (E) car smelled like 40 packs of cigarettes, (E) two of the four tires had nails {not screws}, and (F) it was filthy. They had no business renting it to me. I cleaned it up but didn't fix the mechanical issues. I was unable to get the renting location to deal with it. I was going to call the corporate office but this nice guy swapped it out (sadly I am in a much smaller car now) and called the renting location and said he was going to "shop it" and charge it back to them. So that was good. Sadly, I'm out a full tank of gas for the one I returned.

Work was boring as all hell today, but it's probably my fault because I am distracted as hell in anticipation of a hopefully very awesome weekend.

There were some niggling little issues with my blog after the column swap which should all be fixed now. The ARCHIVE drop down should actually WORK now. The CSS elements that didn't fit in the table now fit (thanks Jose) and the excess padding is gone (thanks Jose and Firebug). I also fixed some other issues and made the boxed text at the bottom more prominent -- this from what Jose taught me with Firebug in a 1 hour over-the-phone class last night. I still suck at it, but I can now fix basic crap I think.

I really want to keep the moustache, but the voting is scarily close.

Also, a great article in Time Magazine this week. It's an interesting take on Republicans and what they need to do to survive. "Numbers don't lie. Unless Republicans overhaul their message, the losses will continue." The author of this article -- Mike Murphy -- is a staunch Republican, and he ends with a brilliant quote, "Saving the GOP is not about diluting conservatism but about modernizing it to reflect the country it inhabits instead of an America that no longer exists."

His point, I believe, if he makes it into a party people will support, their decline will continue. Demographics are not on the Republicans' side: the population is skewing away from their core supports. Younger people do not agree with the social points and, like all things that do not change with the times, the party as it exists, is in danger of dying out.

(More on the Panther's hockey message board -- in the members only section)

Let's Buy Dick Cheney a Cheeseburger This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Some clever chap has a brilliant idea which I am very keen on. This person states "I hereby declare April 13, 2007, is National Buy Dick Cheney a Cheeseburger Day. Millions of Americans will buy cheeseburgers, consume them, and then mail their receipts to Vice President Dick Cheney, to encourage him to chow down or celebrate the fact he can't."

It's rather amusing, trying to kill-off Mr. Cheney this way. Would that it works. In the blog, he provides full details. Though, I might suggest directly sending them to Mr. Cheney as follows:

Big Dick Cheney
1 Observatory Circle NW
Washington, DC 20008
USA

You can buy also buy gift cards/certificates/vouchers at either http://www.bk.com and http://www.mcdonalds.com/usa/shop/certificates.html -- perhaps you wish to get a card and use it all up except one or two cents and then mail in the gift-card as well.

I wish this guy wasn't anonymous because I'd like to thank him for giving me this little bit of joy, just before tax day coincidentally.

Republicans Realize They Have Heads Stuck Up Their Asses This blog has moved to http://quagmire.darsys.net

Today's Herald: "Republicans turned on one another Wednesday after losing control of power in Congress -- blaming an out-of-touch, self-promoting party leadership for abandoning ethics and conservative principles and turning off the country."

Veteran conservative strategist Richard A. Viguerie was especially caustic. "Every single member of the Republican leadership in the House should be replaced. They have failed the conservatives who put them in office, and they have failed the people of this country," Viguerie said. "This election was also a referendum on the so-called 'neoconservatives' -- the big-government Republicans who took us into a nation-building war while they busted the budget and enriched big business and its K Street lobbyists."

Another casualty has been Dennis Hastert, Mr. Foley's enabler. Yay. No loss there. You guys have alienated a lot of people and you were too stupid to see it. Maybe if you got your heads out of your collective asses you'd have seen this coming. America is tired of this. Family Values are great -- I'm all for them. But you're so busy killing these families with your war and bankrupting the half that's left in order to preserve your greedy self-interests, you've lost touch with all of America.